Miss Cybelvis Monroe

Before Elvis Presley, before Marilyn Monroe, there was Miss Cybelvis Monroe – charismatic star of popular Hong Kong musical comedies such as “The Seven Year Samurai Itch,” “Viva Las Shanghai,” “Some Like It Sushi,” and “Kung Fu Happy.” Her pink and black rhinestone-encrusted jumpsuit clinging to every curve, she sang … no, breathed out … rock ‘n’ roll show stoppers such as “Heartbreak Motel” and “Blue Suede Pumps”. With her lip-curlin’ pouts and hip-swivelin’ shimmies on the silver screen, she was a legend in the land of the living.

With the ascension of one star, however, comes bitter rivalry of others. It was the eve of her breakthrough concert appearance on the Ed Sullivan Show. As she set her stiletto on stage, an evil Colonel/mad scientist/promoter kidnapped her, substituting his boy into the show and effectively re-wrote history. Miss Cybelvis Monroe was cryogenically frozen and shipped off to places unknown (or at least illegibly scrawled on the shipping label). Decades later, she was discovered in the Postal Service’s Dead Letter Office by her future biographer, Norm the Mailman. He rescued her from certain peril when her ice machine malfunctioned and her crate began leaking in the thaw. Fortunately, Norm had been a bigger fan than the one under that subway grate. He had always known that Miss Cybelvis Monroe was the only true original, and Elvis and Marilyn were always impersonating her. He was eager to chronicle MCM’s journey to reclaim her crown after an eternity on the rocks. Their hilariously fascinating saga, ghostwritten by Bill Bibo, unfolds in cyberspace at Cybelvis.com

Miss Cybelvis Monroe is now making up for lost decades, jet-setting from Memphis, California to Hollywood, Tennessee. On tour with her is her secret weapon – a multi-instrumentalist by the name of Botielus. He is her one-man orchestra, alternately proficient on saxophone, keyboards, and accordion. Like any rock star, he has a music room full of instruments, and would have brought all seven of his accordions to Cotati if there had been any room left in the Lear Jet after Cybelvis filled it up with her luggage. He settled on his big red Castiglione, the one that helped his accordion duo “Samsonite & Delight-Ya” to be awarded “Best Y2K song of the Millennium” by National Public Radio, with their danceable ditty “Y2Kymca.com”. Thank you, thank you very much. Cybelvis has left the bandwidth.